Question by Clarice the reindeer: How do you wish someone holiday greetings when they lost someone?
My sister is outta state and about a month ago she lost her son, my nephew. He was 22. I honestly can say I am lost for words here, because it would seem weird to say “Happy Thanksgiving” when you know the person is not going to be happy.I want to be supportive but I dunno what to say.
Please help.
Best answer:
Answer by Noya
that is sad
Add your own answer in the comments!
28. December 2011 at 2:48 pm
I’d say the commiserations take precedence. Drop the holiday thing and just focus on supporting her.
28. December 2011 at 2:54 pm
just say it the same way you would to anyone else, just dont act super cheery. Try not to be mr.holiday spirit.
With a somber tone, and some sadness… “Happy holiday”
28. December 2011 at 3:28 pm
I think you could say I hope you have the best Thanksgiving ever. I know it won’t be her best, but that’s what your hoping for her. I’ve been there. I’ve lost three family members, and it’s hard. But each year it just gets better and better. You never forget, but you start to forget some of the pain. So hope for her to have the best holiday possible.
28. December 2011 at 3:39 pm
Obviously don’t say ‘Happy Thanksgiving’!! Because for her it isn’t
It is not law that you have to say that!!
Just be supportive by being her sister and say how pleased you are to be spending time with her.
28. December 2011 at 4:29 pm
I am the manager to 2 people who lost their father and husband recently @ Christmas. Although it is not a son, and God only knows how difficult that must be, in the end it’s still someone who was loved and will be missed. Think about yourself because that was your nephew. I am sure it must be heart wrenching for you just as well. So If I were to tell you to have as best a Thanksgiving as possible would that be what you wanted to hear? You are grieving too, just put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself how do I want to be treated @ this difficult time, I think everyone just wants to know someone is there and even though nothing will be as it was before you have to enjoy what little time we all have hee together with whom we have. I hope you don’t take me to be insensitive in any way that was not my mission. To your family I wish happier times, and joy with those you have. Remember those who have left with fondness and celebrate the life you once shared. Good Luck!!
28. December 2011 at 5:10 pm
thanksgiving is a lovely festival but missing one is not like being alone at christmas. it just doesnt have the same impact although her christmas will likely be a write of as well.
If she is not celebrating thanksgiving then dont push it but try no to let her be alone at christmas time. that is very hard . invite her to share it with you on the basis that you dont want her to be alone.
tell her everyone is thinking about her and that she should feel free to call you if she needs to talk any time.
28. December 2011 at 5:48 pm
I understand exactly what you are going through….my sister just lost her husband last week. We also just lost our Dad three weeks ago…Both died of Cancer.
I think the biggest thing to look at is her frame of mind….if she is doing ok and trying to be up for everyone including herself….then try very hard to make like as normal as possible…even though it isn’t. That is what I do everyday to make others not to feel so uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say to me. If this is her personality or even if she is in total grief process..then just follow her lead! When you see her on Thanksgiving…just give her a big hug and tell her you love her and how good it is to see her! Wait to see if she says Happy Thanksgiving and then follow that lead…if she doesn’t…you have told her something much more meaningful than Happy Thanksgiving.
28. December 2011 at 6:36 pm
I guess I would write for Christmas and phone her at Thanksgiving and in the Christmas card I would write something like ”
This year has been a very tough one on you especially but on the whole family.. We will never forget…xxx the name of your nephew.., He will forever live on in our hearts.. but I sincerely hope that the New Year brings you courage and new hope .. If you need me I am always only a phone call away..
Your brother. xxx
28. December 2011 at 6:55 pm
“we’re with you” is usually ok
when my friend’s dad had a heart attack and died, i was the only one she told. how would you act? I had no idea.
So i asked her. “do u want me to act normal, like nothing happened, or console you?”
and she told me that she wanted me to act normal, which i wouldn’t really have guessed with her.
but everyone is different.
asking shows that you want care
28. December 2011 at 7:52 pm
A beautiful bouquet of flowers and a thoughtful message on the card.
28. December 2011 at 8:04 pm
Everyone is different, and you know more about the relationships and the way things work out in your family than anyone here could know.
With that being said, personally, I would want others to treat this as a normal holiday, and to greet me and share with me as such. I’m certain that not a day goes by that she isn’t thinking of her loss, so having someone putting positive thoughts out there might be just the help she needs right now to get her through a difficult time. I wouldn’t want the reminders that my loved one wouldn’t be around for this holiday or any of the holidays to come, but would rather have the positive thoughts of the holiday season to get me through the otherwise difficult grieving process.
On the other hand, even within my very family, I know that there are people who prefer to have the remembrance of their departed loved ones with them during the holidays. For example, my great-grandmother passed away on the Monday following Thanksgiving in the year of her death. So my grandmother, her daughter, usually goes to the cemetery on the evening of Thanksgiving to visit her mother’s grave and to put out flowers. For her, the holidays are a time of remembrance because of course, it was a time for her family gathering together.
Let your sister’s emotions and your previous experiences be your cue. I’m sure that you’ll handle the situation well … the fact that you’ve even thought to ask shows that you have a deep level of concern about what’s right to do for your sister. I’m sorry to hear that your family is having to deal with such difficult times through the holiday season.